Most people know that unexplored emotional package of feelings carried over from a prior relationship often immediately avoid even the best of new love interests. The problem is that most people don’t know how to leave it behind, get clear, and move forward--so we get right back into the same crappy relationship that we just got out of.
1. The Embrace change
Start by embracing change. Inevitably, the good, bad, and in-between times of relationships are made up of experiences that change your world. The reason men and women bounce between relationship failures is a result of an inability to embrace change. Maybe they’ll come back? Maybe they are just not ready? The situation doesn’t matter. Life is different now. Life will be different in the future. It is a good thing. Embrace it. Every second spend dwelling in the “what ifs'” of the past are moments not experienced in your spectacular new life. Life is always more thoroughly enjoyed from front seat of the locomotive than standing in the caboose. Find a way to face forward.
2. The Urge to get rid of him/her
Initiate change in simple ways. Start by rearranging your furniture and cleaning the clutter. Switch out some old picture frames. Find a new shower curtain. Look for a shiny new coffee maker. Even subtle shifts can make you feel more alive. The true root of past relationship discontent and resentment is actually not from your ex’s hours on the couch watching football, but from the stagnation that it represents. Changing things up will give a feeling of movement and growth. Even more, it will give you a clean home to come back to if emotional fireworks erupt on your dinner date with your new prospective partner.
Then on to your closet. Everything that has not been warn in the last 6 months goes in the donation pile. Bringing a friend who supports you is always a good idea. The process is much easier with a good girlfriend to set you straight when you start to get sentimental about the dress worn on your first date with the guy who left you 6 months ago... Trust me, there is a woman at Goodwill right now just waiting to give it a whirl on another first date. Get rid of it. Physical liberation results in mental liberation. Let your past self make room for who you’ve become.
Streamline your finances. Take the time and go online and find a site that allows you to pay all your bills in one place at one time. Envelopes and stamps are a pain in the ass anyway. Knowing exactly where you stand financially makes you appear empowered rather than needy. Especially in today’s economy, guys are looking for a financial partner, not a financial liability.
3. The Check In
Get clear on what happened in the last relationship that caused it to fail. This process is not at all about blaming yourself or your partner; it’s about education. If you were too overbearing or pushed too hard for commitment, take note and ease up a bit on the next guy. No problem. No blame. Men find an independent woman sexy--as long as they still want a man from time to time.
When the last guy had issues he needed to deal with, leave it at that. It’s much like my favorite Seinfeld episode where George goes into a fit when his girlfriend turns the tables and exits the relationship with the standard male exit strategy, “It’s not about you. It’s me” For men, this is often times actually true. It takes us a little longer to make sense of emotionally charged situations and sometimes retreat is the only way we know to make sense of it all. Let it go and move on. It is his loss. 9 out of 10 guys who say it’s over really mean it’s over. Then if he actually comes back after retreat, he’ll have to grovel back to a whole new woman who knows exactly what she wants.
4. The Declare & Have Faith
Then Declare your desires to the Universe. They can be spoken aloud, or just in your own head. The important part is just putting them out there.
Focus in detail on what you want. His laugh. The way he looks at you from across the room. The smell of his cologne. Then imagine how great it will feel to finally share the love that you’ve always wanted, forget about it, and go about your day.
Think of all the things you want in a man for a few minutes each day and then trust that your intention will be fulfilled. Modern men are drawn to women who know what they want and have the conviction to make it a reality. Knowing what you want doesn’t make you a bitch, it makes you rich with self love. Often misinterpreted; desire, faith, and persistence are the backbone to any successful match. Without them, you are at the mercy of the wants and desires of everyone else, whose desires obviously may not be the same as yours. There is nothing wrong with taking control of your destiny. In fact, it is the only way.
5. Opposites Attract, then Always Re-tract
Ever met a guy who seemed mysterious and attractive because his occupation or hobbies were the extreme opposite of yours? His intriguing conversation about things you’ve never discussed before made you feel alive and left you wanting more? You realized you are complete opposites in every way, but can’t help but want to feel the romanticism of Jerry Maguire as he whispered to Rene Zellweger.
Complete bullshit.
Relationships built around opposite lifestyles burn bright and burn fast, yet leave everyone in the darkness before long.
I realize there is about .001% of the population who have actually found a way to make an ‘opposite attraction’ last the test of time, however, for the rest of use rookies in love, it is a disaster waiting to happen.
Men do not change. So be sure that his life as a traveling comedian is something that you can endure even after you’ve memorized all of his punch lines.
Focus on what really matters to you and leave the intrigue of an opposite lifestyle in the friendship zone.
6. Reverse the Curse of the involvment
It has long been argued that the problem between men and women can be summarized by the following statements,
Women get involved with men with the subconscious understanding that their man will change over time...
Men get involved with women with the subconscious understanding that their woman won’t ever change...
And in the end, both sides are left disappointed.
Why?
It is because we all try to be something that we are not in the courting phase and then slide into ‘who we really are’ over time. Why not just stop the charade and get real?
As a generalization, I have observed that in the relationship arena, most women are fueled by emotion, driven by love, and exalted by romance.
While generally men on the other hand, are fueled by a physical urge, driven by lust, and exalted by a beer and roll in the hay.
Yet, just because we seem to want different things, in the end it is all about feeling loved.
So...just love.
It’s not that simple you say?
Sure it is. If you are honest and forthright about who you are, where you are going, and what you expect from a relationship, what can go wrong? No games. No lies. No waiting five days before returning a phone call. Just be real. Modern movies and media have glamorized a ‘player’ type approach to relationships that is part of the reason half of us end up in divorce court. It is not working. Stop the games and get back to the simple desire of every human being...to love and be loved.
The worst case scenario is that you will find out sooner than later that it won’t work and move on. What’s wrong with that?
Declare your desire in love, have faith, be real, and if what you see isn’t what you want, move on and love yourself enough to hold out for the real thing.
So dear women readers,please dont take anything to heart....Just recover from the incidents that have happened and lead a normal life..Keep rocking..!
Regards,
Sriram Mallik.
